Friday, April 8, 2011

Poetry from Grandpa

In the pod meeting they will take us
and the news they give will shakes us
the hens they have come...
to drink blood like rum
It's our eyes they want?
for their chickies so gaunt
I scream to them, "STOP!"
while my co-workers flop
and flip...out...drip drip drip...
they flip out from their gout
and blood sprays out like a crimson spout; their mouths gape open but no screams come out
our eyes are gone now
and jergen prochnow
has taken my copy of Beverly Hills Cop II

Monday, July 19, 2010

Granma Gangsters

Just watched Yukhyeolpo Robbers AKA Revolver Gangster Gang AKA Twilight Gangsters AKA Grandma Gangsters, a Korean film about three senior ladies who will do anything it takes to take a vacation to Hawaii.
I was pleased and surprised to see that the granmas themselves transcend their archetypes and become three well developed and diverse characters. The going is a little rough to begin with for Kim Hye-ok, the "sensitive one" of the group, but scenes with her ingrate children reveal layers of suffering that soften you to her shrill reluctance.
The film seems to lose its focus about halfway through and starts to flounder - which unfortunately costs the film the dramatic resonance of its denouement.
Still, I give the film a not-bad 2.5.
The weirdest part of the film was when Grandpa walked into the room and said to me "Ah, Nah Moon Hee... She was beautiful once. I fucked her in the war." and walked out without another word. Maybe that's what took me out of the movie?

Kind Regards,

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Grandpa's Sunday....

Breakfast: Egg yolks and almonds.

- 11:18; Nipple Boy sighting.

Lunch: Ground beef and barley

- 12:32; Grandpa is speaking Russian in the bathroom. Grandpa speaks Russian??
- 2:00; Nap.
- 2:45; How many times do we have to explain to Grandpa that the washing machine isn't his own personal hamper. Goddammit. Nothing worse than having to dig through old man breifs everytime we need to do laundry.
- 3:15; Dennis and I debate the merits of "The Naked Lunch" the book. Literary genius? Or nonsense? Either way, we prefer Cronenberg.

Dinner: Collared greens with a side of Fiber One. We are trying to avoid the colon cleanse incident again.

- 8:15; a glass of whiskey and bed for Grandpa. He says he has a big day tomorrow and we had better not disturb him. Grandpa is sleep talking. What language is that? Old English?'re scaring us....

Yours truly,


Saturday, June 26, 2010

Hi. I'm Billy and this is my brother, Dennis. This blog is about our grandfather, Grandpa. We think Grandpa is somehwere in the age range of 80-90. But if you believed his stories, he's 160. His favorite color is brown. His favorite food is collared greens. Grandpa claims to have fought in every major war of the 20th Century, up to and including the Persian Gulf War. In addition, he claims to have fought in the last 7 months of the Civil War. Which side he was on remains unclear. It's possible that there were 3 sides in the Civil War - the North, the South, and Grandpa. We live in an apartment together in Antietan. This blog is about our lives and the words of wisdom our Grandpa provides.

These days, Grandpa has waged a battle of his own against the shirtless joggers of Antietan. He calls these shirtless people "Nipple Boys." Nothing gets Grandpa more up in arms than Nipple Boys. Often times, he will yell at them from the window, where he sits with no shirt on. "IT AIN'T RIGHT!!" he screams, "This is not a third world country, put a Goddamn shirt on!" Sometimes he follows this up by throwing eggs or Walnuts at them. Though we love him very much, we do spend a great deal of our lives fixing the messes and misunderstandings left in his wake virtue of his misadventures. In fact, we've actually become well versed in Law as a result of his shenaigans.

Some more things you should know about Grandpa:

1. He smokes a corn cob pipe.
2. He receives government issued tins of an unknown substance that is supposedly for his Glaucoma.
3. Grandpa played for the African American baseball league in the 30's as the league's only white player.
4. He has IBS.
5. He claims to have had a long and steamy affair with Lauren Bacall.
6. Grandpa met John Wayne once and claims that Mr. Wayne made a pass at him.
7. He farts often and blames us for the subsequent smells.
8. Grandpa speaks fondly of his twin brother Emmett; however, he has been missing for over 40 years.
9. Grandpa has a sophisticated and multi-faceted rating system for Women's beauty.
10. Grandpa is sexually active. And the walls are thin. It makes things uncomfortable at times...

We will keep you posted on Grandpa and our lives. We will also keep you informed of Grandpa's words of wisdom and advice, which he refers to as "Grandpa's Ol' Cough Medicine."